This past Sunday was a very productive day. I went to the gym first thing then came home and threw the makings of chili into the crock pot, whipped together some guacamole, showered and went to church. Later on I baked some cornbread, served up the chili (which, if I do say so myself was pretty darn delicious!) and watched the NY Jets beat the New England Patriots! I had heartburn afterwards, but I think that was from the stress of watching the game more than from the chili itself.
But the most productive part of the day really was going to church. I accomplished three things on my Lovely List:
#4 – pray
#5 – go to church
#6 – light a candle at church
I was raised by two very devoted, faithful Catholic parents. We went church every Sunday and on holy days of obligation. I received all the sacraments and said my prayers at night before falling asleep. As an adult I continued to attended mass regularly on my own, but after my mother passed away three years ago I just stopped going. I would still pray from time to time and go to mass on Holidays, but my faith thinned.
I have been wanting to rediscover my faith. I’ve found myself admiring friends who have a strong sense of connection to their church and religion. That’s why I included praying, going to church and lighting a candle in my Lovely List. They are all lovely things that I know will make life fuller; it was just a matter of getting myself to do them.
I went to mass at the parish I attended regularly with my parents when I was growing up. The same parish where my parents were married and both of their funerals were held. My Mama actually received all of the sacraments at that very church. It has a rich history with my family. It’s woven into the fabric of my life’s story, but on Sunday, I felt detached from it.
I’m not sure what I was expecting. I guess I wanted to feel my waning faith instantly begin to swell. But it didn’t. It was different
than it used to be; I’m finding that to be the case more and more the older I get. I was disappointed, but I realized that change doesn’t have to be disappointing. In fact, it should be encouraging. Change might be God’s way of showing us more about ourselves and the world around us. I suppose if things always stayed the same, we’d never discover anything new.
I’m glad I went to church. I prayed for God to lead me in the direction He meant for me and to guide me with His love and for my parents to watch over me. I lit a candle for my mother and father whose combined faith could, and did, withstand all the challenges that life gave them. While I may not have fully rediscovered my faith I started my journey to find it, and with God and my parents as my angels to guide me, I am sure that I will find my way in time, exactly how I was meant to.