The House Project

10 Things Every (New) Homeowner Should Have

In no particular order …

  1. A snake …because plumbing problems are a bitch and ya just never know when you might need one.
  2. A screwdriver … I highly recommend the interchangeable all-in-one kind. Handy for putting together Ikea furniture.
  3.  A hammer … this one is multi-purpose driven. Firstly, for putting Ikea furniture together, secondly for hanging pictures, art, etc. and thirdly for beating the crap out of something or someone when you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into by becoming a homeowner.
  4.  A plunger … see reasoning for number one, this one, although, is for more minor situations.
  5. Baking Soda and White Vinegar … these ingredients are wonder workers! Use ’em to make your own cleaning solutions, in recipes AND to periodically unclog drains so that you do not have to use number one or four too often, which will inevitably have you using number three.
  6.  A dehumidifier … this helps to suck up the dampness in the basement after a flood and just in general; especially helpful if you have an old house.
  7. An emergency route to the closest Home Depot … my car is pretty much set on auto pilot to go there; it’s a saving grace and when you’re not there for an emergency it’s kind of like a Disney World for the homeowner.
  8. Phone number handy for United Rentals … when certain projects or emergencies call for more powerful machinery than what you have on hand United Rentals is a great resource. From electric snakes to concrete mixers and more. **Warning – you may have so much fun with these adult toys you may be tempted to buy one of your own even if you really don’t need it.
  9. Good Friends and Supportive Family … you NEED these people in your life to put up with you and all your dramatic, frantic, neurotic, whining so that you don’t internalize it all and self-destruct.
  10. Hard liquor … when the hammer just doesn’t do the trick this comes in very handy for making cocktails or drinking straight up to get yourself hammered (try a Screwdriver perhaps ). Also good for disinfecting wounds, your own or those you’ve beaten the crap out of with the hammer and for liquoring up your friends and family in order to thank them for and/or to get them to put up with you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s